Reflections
Comments 22

Last chance

IMG_6122

I’m tired.

Not jaded, not sick of something I’m doing,
but just pure fatigue because of all the constant lack of sleep every night.
It is almost 6am and I am just done with my shower.
I’m dying to hit the bed but the bugging urge to update my blog has driven me to sit before the laptop again.

The Tiramisu Hero is 20 days old as of today.
Even though we are this young, I am very happy to have created something I am proud of with A.
As I was talking to A about The Tiramisu Hero this afternoon,
I suddenly realized that this is actually one of the biggest thing I have set out to do.
And it somehow feels like a “last chance”.
I don’t know if you know what I mean by “last chance”, but I hope you do.

I want to break out of the cycle.
I don’t want to be doing something I dread.
I don’t want to be working my ass off to make money for another person sitting in the bigger office.

I am 27 years old this year and I cannot help but feel unaccomplished at many times.
This feeling is exceptionally evident when I see how peers of similar ages are all in high-paying jobs,
buying their first house, or having their own businesses.
I am never someone with a high self esteem.
And I remember how my ex used to tell me that I need to have higher aspirations.

But what is enough?
I guess it’s different for everybody.
Some want a big car, a big house, big careers.
Some want fame, popularity and lots of money.
I have dreams and aspirations too. I just don’t know how to make them happen.
And as I grow older, I see those dreams getting fainter and fainter.
I just want to be happy; have a place of my own where I can spend time with the people I love,
and have sufficient to lead an average life.
Really don’t see a point in doing something that brings in the money but leaves me with no time for the people around me.

As I typed that last sentence, I felt guilty.
Because I haven’t been home for the last couple of days and I feel really bad about it.
I have been swarmed with work this last few weeks and it really leaves me with no time for anything else.
A and I get about an average of 2 to 5 hours of sleep every night.
We work the moment we get up, all the way until the wee hours.
You might think it’s ridiculous.
I think, too, that it’s ridiculous how we have so much to do too, but I guess creating something from nothing really needs a lot of work.
I look like crap half the time and constantly have aching legs because of all the standing and walking around.
We are the boss, the marketeers, the logistic officers, the operations managers, the chefs, the cleaners, the delivery girls.
And it really leaves us with no time for ourselves, not to mention our family.

My Mom texted me two days back and asked me why I haven’t been home for so long.
“Even people with big businesses go home at the end of the day,” she said.
After reading her text, I cried.
Because I felt misunderstood and I wish she could see what I am doing every single day.
I want to do something that will make her proud of me.
She had always been very supportive of me and this little business venture,
and I hope she can continue to lend me her support.

I hate growing up.
I remember how I used to envy how Mom has lots of mail in the letterbox, and I always wished I had many many mails too.
My goodness. I wish those mails and bills won’t come now!
There is always this immense amount of stress every time I think about my future.
No, I don’t have a rich dad. And I am not some talented smarty pants which every big corporation wants to hire.
What does the future holds? Where will I be one decade later?
It scares me to even think about it.

I think I forgot what had happened to me in the last 5 years.
The last time I checked, I think I was only 22.
The last couple of years just whizzed by like that and I didn’t even realize how fast time went by
until I sat myself down and see what I had done in life so far.

Time is brutal indeed.
I hope it’s not too late to give it one last shot and have my “last chance” to break out of the cycle.

This entry was posted in: Reflections

by

Peggy is an independent blogger from Singapore who has a penchant for impromptu travel plans and good caffe lattes. She is the co-owner of two little cafes, The Tiramisu Hero and Butter My Buns, and hopes to be able to see the world someday; one stop at a time.

22 Comments

  1. Think of it as your first shot instead of it being your last chance. I just began work and I feel trapped and fearful of being fired. I went to a local cafe and felt so envious. The owners did a really good job . That is what I am going to aim for now. To work hard and save for my own cafe. Cheer up pegs. You will get out of this bleak abyss soon.

    Like

  2. Oh dear, you look like you’ve lost some weight. Pls take care aye. I got an idea, prolly you might wanna consider. Since A has a full time job and i think Its time for u both to have your own private time..
    Hmm why not doing this part time? Therefore you can only fit in a few slots of order per fortnight. So in order for ya customers not to miss their orders, you shall post feeds in a month advance as to when you will open for orders. 🙂
    Like this i hope u will have time tog with ur love ones, time for urself and time for ur biz to grow. Who knows next time you got a shop of ur own. Thats the next level liao!! Jiayou A & P!

    Like

  3. Peggy, you’re an inspiration! And I can totally relate to what you wrote in your entry. All the best in your tiramisu hero venture. Never venture, never gain! I believe your bravery’ll reap success one day! (: & your mom’ll definitely be proud of you. All’ll be fine.

    Take chances, make it big! You have what it takes! (:

    Like

  4. Serenity says

    One thing you can be thankful about is being able to work alongside your partner in fulfilling what you think is your last chance :). Yes, I can understand the meaning of last chance. I think when we females reach a certain age (I’m 29 btw), we start wondering if we can afford to fail or start afresh in something or worst still, wander around knowing what we do not want but do not know what we want. I’m in a stable job but it’s so demanding that I feel jaded and depressed most of the time. Yet, I know what it’s like to go w/o a salary for a long period of time. Desperation sets in and one starts to dread it when others ask about the job search. In the meantime, I’m already contemplating looking for another job but I know it’s not going to be easy since I’ve been in this line for almost 6 years. So gambate to both of us!

    Like

  5. chiu says

    Really feel for you when reading this post! Jiayou! I believe the fruits of your efforts will be worth it 🙂

    Like

  6. liza says

    hi peggy, hope that you will not give up and give a shot at what you are good in! life is tough no doubt, but that’s what makes life interesting ya? trying to be positive here. I’m sure yr mum will understand..:) drop a msg, call her even if u r unable to make it back. take care!

    Like

  7. Totally can ‘feel’ the process that you are going through now. I felt the same too. I guess as you grow older, the things you want will change as it goes. It’s not that the you are not trying hard to achieve them, u are trying and sometimes feel that lost and nowhere to rely or refer to. But this is the life process.
    When a door is close, there will be another door open for you. You need to have positive mindset to grown within yourself and u will feel everything is fine. Its hard but it helps though in a way 🙂

    Like

  8. Sharon says

    吃得苦中苦,方为人上人。我相信你行的。Everything is toughest right at the start, hand in there! 加油哦!

    Like

  9. Peggy, your sentiments echo mine totally. Especially about not wanting “to be working my ass off to make money for another person sitting in the bigger office.” Which is also why I’ve gone on my crazy path, and I’m also facing the same woes as you. Except mine is solo effort, at least you’ve got Aileen with you! 🙂

    I see big things happening for The Tiramisu Hero, and I believe you will have your own cafe and army of minions and be looking back at this entry one day and being glad that you and A stuck through all the sweat and uncertainty. Now you just have to believe in yourself too. ♥

    Like

  10. Valerie says

    Reading this… I controlled myself from crying.

    Changing industries in a stupid bid to get somewhere, my career is seemingly going nowhere now. I feel stuck in a rut, utterly unfulfilled… Every day I wake up for work, I just tell myself to get the day over and done with. EVERY WORK DAY.

    Happiness is seeing my family and friends happy, being with loved ones, seeing different sides of the world whenever I can.

    People tell us to make the most of what we have, but sometimes that isn’t good enough because you know deep down, that’s not what you want, that’s not what makes you truly satisfied and at peace with yourself.

    The Tiramisu Hero, is this your passion? If it is, please go for it. Go all the way… It’s always hard in the beginning, but all self-made entrepreneurs need to start somewhere, no matter how exhausting it is.

    Peggy, it’s not easy to make a living outta our passions. Not everyone has the chance to do so, and the resilience to continue to do so.

    Whatever decisions you make, don’t be like me and many others. Just working for the darn sake of working, and looking at our work lives as a mere job to pay the bills, with zero enthusiasm.

    I don’t feel sorry for myself, I just chide myself for being so stupid. I don’t know how long I will be stuck in my rut… But while I still tell myself every morning to be done with the day, I now find myself telling me a new ”mantra” – that I deserve better, and its high time, I seriously owe it to myself.

    I am cheering for you, hwai-ting. 🙂

    Like

  11. Kayla says

    peggy, i hope you will see the rainbow after the rain soon!
    there’s no need for comparison; be yourself like you have always been and be truly happy! that’s the biggest blessing in life that money cannot buy 🙂

    Like

  12. addy says

    Dear Pegs,

    ***HUGS****

    this is the 1st time I’ve decided to leave a comment!
    Just wanna say that I’ve been a silent reader of your blog so far and I want to tell you I dont think you have lived a wasted life.
    On the contary, you have brought me an enjoyable read with your colorful and vibrant personality & also a vulnerable side of you.
    I dig what you mean when you say you feel that you have not accomplished enough. becoz i am 1 year older than you, striving in a so-called good & stable job (with little career prospects however), with a small network of friends(who have kind of drifted coz I facing a slight crisis now), and yet not so there with the 5Cs, but somewhere in between, and I do keep asking myself these questions as you have posted. When I do go emo and tired down, I called that pitting, I tend t journal my thoughts.
    My famiy is highly dependent on me, and I have to work hard to keep the $$ coming in. So as you can see, the high life is far away from me.
    Just imagine at this age, where all the friends around you have married, acomplished this & that, travelled quite abit, done something they liked….& you feel so far from them.
    Pardon me for saying this, but I do envy your life (you do have your lovely friends & partner, travelled quite abit etc),even though such a lifestyle seems a little surreal to me, I still tune in to read your blog, esp your reviews on the little cafes…:)

    It is definitely hard to start a businss from scratch, I appluad you for the courage & though I know nth about it-hang in there k!!!!
    Things might look better in the long run wen you turn-over with net profit.
    Also, I have not learnt to depend on my emotions too much, even when I am really depressed sometimes. use your will power to focus and think ahead. There is a rainbow after the rain. Tell yr family about it, in times like this their love is especially precious!
    Jia you! 20-30 years down the road, I’m sure you will treasure all this & have a beautiful piece of woven fabric called Life.

    Like

  13. Hi Peggy

    Not sure if u remember me (Parkway delivery hehe). Doesn’t matter.
    What I see is a girl who has an advantage over some others because she is a well-known blogger, is HaWt, and witty. Capitalise on what you have built up already e.g. your “fame” and make it work for u. Don’t give up!

    Like

  14. Christabel says

    Hey Peggy!
    Appreciate your frankness about your life and everything else. Thanks for being so real and down-to-earth:)
    Do remember to rest once in a while so that you can have the strength and energy to move on again.
    I’m sure Tiramisu Hero is gonna be a success!
    Take care!

    Like

  15. Christine says

    A very honest entry indeed, i feel ya =`(

    Like yourself, I’m 27 this year too and have went back to studying after being stuck in a job that i don’t see myself doing for the next 5 years.

    Getting started in anything new – be it a job or business takes GUTS! =) So yes, to me you have the GUTS, charisma and confidence to see it through!

    ‘Always look on the bright side of life’ *whistle*

    Ganbatte!

    Like

  16. ihappiness says

    Hi peggy,
    i don’t know why i tear after i reading your post. i’m really admired by your courage. And this is not your last chance, i’m sure more opportunities doors would be coming soon. Have faith! 🙂

    Like

  17. ice cream says

    Everyone is not spared from feeling lousy about yourself sometimes. Take this like yr real last chance before u hit 30.

    Your mum misses you, but not very clever with words. I hate how our parents words have such great impact on us. They dictate us, want us to listen to them, so called for our own good. I must learn not to get to affected and emotional. Words are just…words.

    Imagine if you are not busy, it means no business lah, so u prefer to be busy or chasing houseflies? Starting a business is never easy. U r lucky that u have the talent to blog and draw which helps greatly in your business.

    Many cafes these days come and go, must have suffered huge losses. Guess your real challenge has not even started.. get yr own cafe and be lao pan niang! If u ever start a cafe i sure patronise u k!~

    Like

  18. Lilian Low says

    Hey Pegs, it’s inevitable to feel tat way at times. But in life, u don’t always get to do what u like. I’m pretty sure many of the ppl out there, are proud of u. As ur loyal reader, all of us had seen a lot of changes in u. Cheer up! And continue to work even harder and put in ur all for Tiramisu Hero! I’m sure it will go far and good! 🙂

    Like

  19. iiivyyy says

    Hi Peggy,

    I can totally relate to how you are feeling now. The future might seems uncertain now but I believe in the saying “you reap what you sow”. As long as you persevere you will definitely be able to see the fruit of your labour.

    Because I can tell you, I will definitely be supporting your little venture! Shall place by order with you soon! 🙂 cheer up okay.

    Like

  20. I feel you Peggy. I’m at that stage in my life as well, and I feel you. Let’s take this last 20-something-year-old years and do something good about it. Give it all we have, and chiong. I know you can do it. Because hey, I love the tiramisus! 😉 *muah*

    Like

  21. Hello pegs, I don’t know why everytime you post something like that, I feel obligated to drop you a comment. Heh. Maybe cause from the days when I first knew of you through Sindy, I always kind of look up to you. Gorgeous, confident, having a style of your own. Which makes it odd reading that you ain’t too confident of yourself when you have the entire package that many will envy.

    Everyone measures success differently. If there’s anything I understand growing up, it’s to f what people thinks, f how people define success. Those who matter, will understand and these areal so the people who will be happy for you when you attained your version of success.

    It’s some swanky car and house to some. It’s having lots of money to others. Or it may just be living a life with no regrets. Travelling to see the world. Always letting those who matters know you love them.

    It’s your definition. And from what I see, you will do well. ❤

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s