Author: SIXPEGS

Ain’t I Soppy?

Oh ain’t I soppy? I was looking through my older posts on this blog and it basically just felt like an emotional rollercoaster; even when I was the person who wrote all of those posts. I think I am trying to become a different person – not exactly sure whether I will like this new person but for some reason, I this change (or rather, growth) felt somewhat necessary. Deep down somewhere, I know I am still that hopeless, dependent as fuck, soppy, jealous, overly-sensitive and emotional psycho. But yes, I am currently working on subduing those undesirable traits. I am learning to embrace the change. It almost feels like a coming-of-age story, except I’m already starting on the third decade of my life. But we never stop learning more about ourselves, do we? I used to write shitload about how I feel, what I did, who I saw, where I went. But these days, things seems and feels the same day in day out. Not much ups and downs. A lot of things either …

And I’m letting you.

Cigarettes and whisky The perfect concoction for the keeping the lonely at bay The lady sways to the infectious melody as the jazz band plays Savouring the make-believe world her closed eyes brings her to With every inhale, she throws her head back She ruffles her hair on her face and sniffs the remnants on her fingers Scents always have a way of bringing her to places Places she has been and never been; like that ten seconds in the elevator, or that last time she stood to watch planes take off With every exhale, she lets out her sigh, ever so softly The night feels young but she feels old.

你喜歡自己嗎?

為什麼明明知道在傍晚八點睡覺會把生理時鐘擾亂還要固執地去這樣做?為什麼我有自虐傾向-偏偏愛做一些對自己無意的事情 凌晨四點二十二分,我坐在電腦前的小凳子上,整理香水瓶子,把瓶子轉來轉去讓瓶子上的標籤都面向正前方。 Spotify 一直重複地播著同一首的歌曲。 聖誕節要到了,星航最近剛剛推出最新的配套,直飛巴黎的機票不到九百元新幣。看了真的有一點心動。 不過在心動的當兒又不自禁地回想起上一會獨自由香港的經驗,我真的不懂得怎樣欣賞一個人獨處的生活,不喜歡與自己相處,不喜歡自己的陪伴。 你們也一樣嗎? 我希望我能夠變得更獨立一些。就像不久前剛去音樂節,聽說與我結伴一起去的兩個友人本來都打算獨自去音樂節,如果能在音樂節上碰到幾個朋友就和他們在一起,要不然,就獨自一個人喝啤酒,聽音樂。這我還真的做不到。我想我寫日記和經營部落格的習慣也是出自於一種需要與人分享的心態-人類不是群體動物嗎?為什麼有一些人能夠長時間獨處而仍然感到自在? 是不是因為我不喜歡我自己?

Shaken, Not Stirred

They say time heals, but they forgot to include the fact that before it heals you, it numbs you. The blows weren’t fatal enough – you were not strong but you were brave enough to grasp on to life – your heart learns how to numb itself and you gradually need to fight less and less hard to stay afloat.