Siempre

This is A. And my world revolves around her.

We have always talked about settling down together, and often dreamt about having a life together.
She can do the cooking, and I will do the dishes.
We could laze the Sunday afternoons away, or bathe our 4 cats and 3 dogs together.
We could volunteer and share our love with other people and animals.
We will grow The Tiramisu Hero together.
We will see the world and gain different life experiences hand-in-hand.

It was 15th February 2014.
A asked me if I want to be married to her.

And I said ‘Yes’.

The ring was beautiful but it was nothing compared to what A has done to be part of my life.
In the ring, she had ‘siempre’ engraved.

Our relationship started out as something that was “wrong” on many levels.
And I faced pressure from not just my family and friends, but also from public scrutiny.
I thought I was pretty gutsy to just heck it and go ahead with my feelings.
But today, I gave my word and am now engaged to a girl.
I think my guts just got bigger.

Many friends and strangers came to congratulate me after they saw the brief mentions I put up
on Instagram and Dayre – platforms where my parents are not on.
I am really touched that there are many people who do not know me in real life feeling happy for me.
And for some weird reason, I can really sense their happiness for me!

A and I talked about our plans.
All of our friends said they would fly to wherever we are going just so that they could witness the two of us tying the knot. :p
And then came the parents.

That was A peeking at my Mom, thinking about how she should break the news to her.

As much as I always talk about how supportive and open-minded my Mom is,
I have actually never ever told her directly about my relationship with A.
I always told myself that there is no need to do anything to jeopardise the stability we have now.
And well, I’m sure my Mom can see for herself.

It was a CRAZY day for A.
She couldn’t stop pacing up and down and she had THREE lunches that day because she was too nervous.
(Hahaha! Nervous eater.)

This was one of her attempts.

After finishing the message, she stood there alone,
staring at my Mother with shifty eyes for a good 30 seconds,
and walked out of the cafe to throw the message away.

Hahaha.

Well.

Ultimately, we managed to break the news to my Mom.

Honestly, it has been a long time since I last seen A so nervous.
First time was when she first visited my place.
I think my exact words were
“Ma, we are thinking about getting married overseas. What do you think?”

My Mom gave us a cheeky/slightly bewildered slanted smile – almost like a smirk.
And then she settled herself mentally and was at a loss for words.

That short few seconds of silence was unbearable.

She asked if we have thought through this properly,
and asked if we have thought of the problems that might lie ahead of us.

It would just be the two of us for the rest of our lives, probably without children.
She asked us if we are certain if this is what we want –
to settle down and “not be (conventionally) married” in future.

I understand that Mom must definitely have some reservations.
It is not easy that she is the one answering to all my relatives and her friends and colleagues about me.

“I just want the both of you to be happy. That is most important,” she said.
A asked my Mom if she would give us her blessings.
And Mom smiled and nodded.

Later that night, A told me that she felt autistic and useless
because there is so much that she wanted to tell my Mom.
But her nerves got the better of her.

From A’s Dayre: