Talking
Comments 4

Verbal Vomit Night

At times, I do miss my days in school.
Not so much for the insane amount of workload, but more for the freedom to choose what I want to do everyday
with all that free time I had on hand.

I started reading a new book a couple of weeks back.
This might come across as a surprise to you, but I’ve actually never finished a book from cover to cover before.

I think it says quite a lot about my character.

This new series I’m on now comes in three different parts.
I am proud to announce that I had already completed Book I!
2 more to go, and I sure as hell want to kick that horrible habit I have when it comes to reading.

I wonder why I haven’t read more in the past.
Being able to be temporarily transported into another world, to have
the ability to creep inside the author’s mind and indulge in his imagination is actually quite an escape.
I had shitload of time but I wasted them all on parties I cannot remember, drinks that made me threw up
and meaningless relationships.

Last night, I spoke to a lady from the UK in the cafe until the wee hours.
She was a lone traveler and this is her first time in Asia.
At 32, she too, like a lot of us, was caught in the daily rat race to make ends meet,
to impress co-workers she didn’t care much about,
only to stumble home after 10 hours of hard work to rest and prepare for the same routine the following day.
One day, she decided that she had enough.
And now, she is at the last 5 days of her 10-weeks lone-travel around Asia.
She said that she learnt a lot from people she had never met, started many interesting conversations
with unfamiliar faces, had weird food, became friends with people she never thought she would,
and volunteered at a dog rescue shelter in Phuket for 3 weeks straight.
She also mentioned that she will be bringing one of the dogs she met in Phuket back to the UK.

I told her I’ll never have the courage to do the same thing she’s doing now.
“Never say never,” she replied.

There is so much to life and I wish I can get the chance to slow down my pace and do more things
that would make me grow spiritually too.
And till then, I think I will take refuge in reading to go to places (both real and fictitious).

– – –

I have a dark side.
Every once in a while, when it kicks in, I sort of become another person.
But I kind of like this dark side of mine.

I enjoy writing these verbal vomit blog posts whenever I feel this way.
Sometimes, I don’t know what to write but I know I just need to go on and on to expel this urge to express myself.
I love digging deep into my soul to see what is inside there, and then I’d write them all down.
But there are some things that cannot be written, because these thoughts are mine, and they cannot be shared.

I think every single person, no matter how happy or fulfilled his or her life might be, has a sad side.
For some, it could be a secret they can never ever share.
Or, a regret in life that they are too ashamed or afraid to face.
Or perhaps a desire for something they are too jaded to even try to go after.

For me, I don’t know. Or at least, I can’t tell you.
But I believe some of us have sadder, emptier, colder souls than others.

This might sound odd –
but I am actually very attracted to people who are very in touch with their dark, sad side.
I mean, a person who is happy every single day can be quite annoying, no?
And I think it is a big thing if someone would let you into his or her dark, sad side.
Letting you in deep into the part of him or her mind that not many others (or perhaps none) have been before.
I don’t know if I can ever let anyone in.
And I’m not sure if I have ever gone into anyone’s.

It makes one very vulnerable.
So let’s just keep this side of us to ourselves.

When was the last time you sat in the dark to dig deep inside your heart and listen to that little voice within?
For me, it has been quite a while.
I think I haven’t really been in touch with myself for a long time.
Do people who think too much die younger?
Will we be happier if we could face the sad side of ourselves and try not to avoid it anymore?
So ironic.

– – –

OK. Now I’m sleepy. A new week awaits.

This entry was posted in: Talking

by

Peggy is an independent blogger from Singapore who has a penchant for impromptu travel plans and good caffe lattes. She is the co-owner of two little cafes, The Tiramisu Hero and Butter My Buns, and hopes to be able to see the world someday; one stop at a time.

4 Comments

  1. I think you’ll be a great lone traveler!
    hmm… Maybe not happier but bolder, with more courage and without reservation.

    Like

  2. Susan says

    I have my verbal vomit posts in my personal blog too, tagged as private
    Then one day I told my boyfriend about it’s existence and he requested to see what I wrote.
    I didn’t agree. Haha I felt that this was my space, only for my eyes.
    Would u share those darkest stuff about you with A?

    Like

  3. My verbal vomits are recorded in my journals since 14yo. It’s funny to read back what I wrote. But i think its necessary to harvest the thoughts.

    Keep vomiting… Its good for us…

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s