All posts filed under: Talking

Transitions

In 2020, I officially walked away from one of the most important relationships I had in my life. The end of that relationship was difficult, filled with sadness, anger, blame, disappointment, and in an almost twisted way, love. It was also a cathartic release. I look back upon it now with nothing but gratitude.

It started with me wanting to write an encouraging letter to myself, but it quickly became another journal entry of me lamenting about my life. When is this going to end – this cyclical bullshit of me settling, realising that I am unhappy, seeking a way out, feeling defeated, and settling again. I had read books. Music. Travel. Opened up, shut down. Gone away, escaped, fucked around, let people in, drove people out. How and where do people find peace, grace, faith, strength? I feel so broken and incompetent. Where do I go to learn how to untangle the knots? It is so noble to call these scars my badges of honour, but the truth is I am changed, I don’t feel like the same person I was, I am still getting used to this new person. I wonder everyday if I would be okay. And it feels almost like a sin to put these thoughts online. I don’t want to burden people who care for me with my never-ending moping. My indecisiveness tires me …

It hasn’t stopped raining

The floor glistened. It is quiet and there is no one around. It started to drizzle shortly after I left home. I flustered for a while, worried that the rain might get heavier on me. Then I realised that I didn’t mind getting drenched afterall, it’s almost like some kind of baptism. Can’t remember the last time I allowed myself to embrace the rain. There is always that point of time when one is worried about getting caught in a downpour before deciding “fuck it”. I am not that alone. There are people who are still up not because they’re feeling a little off tonight – the people still at work at the sleepy gas station, the underpaid and overworked foreign workers filling cartons at the fruits and vegetables store, young men zipping around on their bikes delivering food to other hungry people (who are still awake) amongst other lone people walking/jogging at 2:30am. Every huge tree I stroll by offered some kind of solace, similar to what those occasional nice thoughts I had about …

Blessing in Disguise

Foiled plans and failures have taught me a lot; opened my eyes to things I’d have otherwise not known about myself. I’ve changed over the years, but I know the crux of me is still the same. I still struggle with being on my own, I’m just dealing with it better now. But I believe that I’ll just get better and better over time, hopefully it doesn’t take too long.

Moonlight Sea

When Perci first emailed me about travelling to Taiwan again to visit Taiwan East Coast, my heart skipped a beat. I recalled the first time visiting Yilan with them and how I thoroughly enjoyed the trip, the idea of visiting a new region of Taiwan with the locals really thrilled me. I’ve never been much of a solo traveller, in fact, I’d even call myself quite an anxious solo traveller. It is something that I’m still trying to work on. The idea of being on my own in a foreign land is intimidating, probably because I’m a worry wart who constantly thinks about all the things that might go wrong while being on my own in an unfamiliar place. (What if I fall sick? What if the turbulence is bad? What if I get robbed? What if I lose my way?) I sometimes get anxiety from feeling obligated to interact with strangers too, I think that boils down to me being a little too self-conscious. *shrugs* Anyways! – I’ve never heard much about Taiwan East …

Tian Yuan Xiang 田原香滴鸡精

We are what we eat. As I grow older, I realised the importance of making good choices when it comes to food, supplements and other nourishments. As a child, chicken essence almost always meant the exams are coming. My Mom would often prepare chicken essence for me the night before a major paper or in the morning before I headed to the exam hall. To be honest, I really liked the taste of chicken essence as well (always hoped it comes in a bigger portion because it’s such a tasty soup!). Today’s post is all about premium chicken essence brand from Taiwan, Tian Yuan Xiang 田原香滴鸡精. I think what commanded my respect from this brand is their belief of how poultry farming should be kept natural and ethical, keeping their products strictly free of drug and antibiotics, and the hard work put into refining the process from free range chickens to top-quality products. And the Tian family has been doing this for three generations! When I first received the products, I was told that I …

Forgiveness

As I was taking a shower earlier, with Time After Time covered by Iron and Wine playing in the background on repeat, I decided that I needed to document what was running through my head as the shower happened. Forgiveness. I’d like to talk about forgiveness. I think there hasn’t been too many instances in my life where I had to (really) forgive someone. I am not talking about petty wrongs that people had done unto me, but rather, grievances that I had to live with for a matter of months and years. I had a little moment of epiphany earlier – letting go of that anger and hate was also me letting that part of me holding on to that negativity free. It does not come with any conditions; it does not matter what the relationship between me and that person is like, it does not matter whether that person is still in my life, it does not matter what that person thinks of me. Letting that anger and animosity go, is me setting …

Ain’t I Soppy?

Oh ain’t I soppy? I was looking through my older posts on this blog and it basically just felt like an emotional rollercoaster; even when I was the person who wrote all of those posts. I think I am trying to become a different person – not exactly sure whether I will like this new person but for some reason, I this change (or rather, growth) felt somewhat necessary. Deep down somewhere, I know I am still that hopeless, dependent as fuck, soppy, jealous, overly-sensitive and emotional psycho. But yes, I am currently working on subduing those undesirable traits. I am learning to embrace the change. It almost feels like a coming-of-age story, except I’m already starting on the third decade of my life. But we never stop learning more about ourselves, do we? I used to write shitload about how I feel, what I did, who I saw, where I went. But these days, things seems and feels the same day in day out. Not much ups and downs. A lot of things either …

Yilan Travels

My first time venturing out of Taipei to see more of what beautiful Taiwan has to offer. 4 days and 3 nights spent in three different kinds of accommodation throughout Yilan. Click to read more!